First - thank you all for your comments and emails following my last post. You all are some great people, and I appreciate your understanding of why that post was hard for me to think about and to write. What helped most was hearing that you are feeling the same feelings, from all different sides of adoption. It really helped.
Many of you suggested a rest from the hard topics - wise advice, but advice only an adoptive parent can take. First parents and adoptees don't get a rest, and so I don't feel I can really back away. I may need to focus on different issues for awhile, but it's all still there. We're all in this together.
And never so obvious as in the following, both of which I heard this week. Perhaps a good rant will still my soul a bit, it always seems to have that effect. You're just not going to believe these.
First - a fellow Korean adoptive parent went to register her daughter in one of the largest high schools in suburban DC. She and her daughter went to the school together, to complete the registration and to have a chance to look around. Upon being seated in the counselor's office, the counselor turned to my friend (making eye contact with her and not her daughter) and said, "Does she speak English?" My friend was dumbfounded, and stumbled through a response that attempted to bring her daughter into the dialog, indicating that she did, that she was born in Korea, arrived in the US as an infant. To which the counselor replied, "Is she fluent?"
Now think about this in light of the second, a comment to a post on a blog I've read from time to time. The post in question was, among other things, a rant about white adoptive parents who apologize to KADs for having adopted. The post was pretty demeaning to KADs in particular, also to a-parents who might agree with their perspective or be trying to. Unpleasant, although not unexpected; it's been heard before. But one comment was. It stated that the commenter was fine with the fact that his or her daughter (on the way, not arrived yet) would be a Twinkie, was fine that some people wouldn't be OK with that, and couldn't understand why this was bad when it was OK for Asian Americans to be fully americanized.
Someone pinch me, this has to be a nightmare.