I need to clarify a bit.
First, some of you have written to ask what happened. Well, nothing really happened. I simply saw something yesterday that, for whatever reason, I couldn’t get past. It was a pun, focused on the Catholic Church, and most days it probably wouldn’t have raised my eyebrows. But somehow at this time of year, a time that is particularly holy in my faith, it hit the wrong chord.
Please understand that I believe every individual has a right to express themselves as they wish. When a particular institution deserves criticism, as my Church definitely does, people have a right to express it. And because I have chosen to remain Catholic at a time in which Catholicism is facing disgrace, I’ve become accustomed to sucking it in.
For me, though, there’s a distinction between criticizing the institution and the individuals who have committed the crimes, and mocking the faith. That’s the line that was crossed for me this week – no big deal, just a personal reaction, maybe even an overreaction. It's just making me pull away a bit. I need to figure out if I as a Catholic am a) really welcome in the adoption reform movement and b) if I can reconcile participating in a community that feels my faith is worth a few laughs.
I definitely want to continue writing, but just need to step away from writing about adoption reform for a bit. You’ll notice I updated my post yesterday to remove the sentence that said I was considering closing the blog. Yes, that’s in my mind, but I’m not looking for anyone to encourage me to stay here. I just need a break from the adoption reform topic for a bit.
And I need to think about what has been good about adoption again, too. My experience and that of my children has been good. Yes, my children face the same losses and pains, but I can look them square in the eye and tell them their first families are our family, and that I seriously, honestly and deeply pray every day that they will be reunited. Whatever the future brings, I will support them. I can also look them in the eye and tell them that I love them for who they are – Korean Americans, not little mini-mes I’ve molded in my own image. There’s really no way I can ever express my gratitude for the gift of them.
The only things I can do are continue to work for reform, which I will be doing even if Third Mom shuts down. There’s a life outside blogland, friends, and there’s a lot going on out there, so please have no fear that I would ever, ever walk away from this fight.
And the other thing I can do is continue to write, which I am going to do, but with a different voice for awhile. I’ve started a new blog, Komapseumnida – ha, you have to go figure it out. This new blog is all about my family – not deeply personal stuff, just memories. Like I say in my first post there, every memory is a gift, for which I say komapseumnida.