... just don't mix.
I put my foot in it again. I honestly didn't mean to, I didn't think the issue was inflammatory, but I did it again. It’s frustrating, because I really would like to find a place where I feel comfortable talking about issues, not debating them. But, alas, the nature of the internet is such that I always seem to rub someone the wrong way. So no more forums for me.
What got me into trouble this time is an idea that’s been rolling around in my head for a long time – the possibility of starting a site along the lines of Christina’s Voices for Vietnam Adoption Integrity, but focusing on adoption from Korea. When VVAI started up it struck me immediately that the Korean adoption community might benefit from a similar site, where news could be shared, issues raised, and resources posted. I set up a placeholder blog for it, but time being in short supply, I haven’t thought much more about it. If there’s interest and enough motivated folks to contribute, maybe it could happen, though. So I pitched the idea.
And got a surprisingly negative reaction. Yes, I'm a big girl, I know that people are entitled to their opinions in an open forum, and I should have expected it. But it still surprised me, because there was an edge to it, a sort of pre-judgment that my intention was to bash, and I had no right. That was most definitely not what I had in mind, and honestly it was painful to be viewed that way by someone I don't even know.
Edited to add: Please don't misunderstand! I was, shall we say, rather abruptly dismissed, but not attacked.
Of course, maybe there really is no point to looking at Korean adoption integrity. Maybe Korean adoption programs are ethical, and need no watchdogging. Maybe what happened to my family is a one-off anomaly. Or maybe our experience is the remnant of practices that have been corrected.
I don’t know.
I do know this, though: The smackdown hurt. And maybe now I get, if only a little better, how frustrating it must be to be an adoptee who is trying to share their experience, and is dismissed as "angry."
The fact that I am grateful to the people that brought me my family - from my children's first parents through the social workers and agency staff here and in Korea - doesn't mean that I abdicate my right and responsibility to point out where the process failed. I wish I understood why this perspective is so threatening – although a part of me really doesn’t care, because it’s just not up for debate with me anymore.
As they say, my experience is what it is, and it leaves a lot of room for improvement.