Mama D emailed me with some thoughts that are particularly helpful, and I'm passing them on because they're really wise and "common sensical." I'm quoting, because she said it far more clearly than I could paraphrase:
There is a fine line between speaking for someone and speaking in support of someone. And, who gets to draw that line? You? The person? Maybe it's like racism: If a person of color says something you say that involves that color is racist, it is. Which takes it to the personal level (not all green people think green jokes are insulting). Which brings it back to you speaking your truth.Think, too, about how the the situation, the people involved, and their interpretations-reactions-
Now I know why I have trouble with boundaries, and why all of this has been so hard for me to wrap my head around: I love to ride in and save the day. I need to learn that the day isn't mine to save - or at least not the "days" we talk about here.
As I think about this, it seems that it would be acceptable for APs to offer support in the form of references back to writings and references by and for the population we may be trying to support. For example, if we're in an AP forum where people are making false generalizations about adoptees, we can reference adoptee websites, and books and films by adoptees, but should go lightly with our own two cents. If the issue is race, same thing - we should point to references by and for people of color, but leave out our own spin. I think, though, that it would be OK in any case to state our support for those fighting the issues. That can be helpful in and of itself.
LOL, you heard all this already, Mama D, but I'm so exhausted today that I'm cutting corners. Thanks again everyone, this was very helpful to me, and hopefully to you.