There is one comment that I think deserves some additional attention - here it is verbatim:
We adopted internationally and went through the home study and you are so wrong when you say it is easy.
The Home Sttudy was not easy at all. In fact I think every bio parent should go through what we did before they start their families.
We were told to promise to at least try to expose our daughter to her culture. We are doing so now at age 3.
We were asked several times "do you realize this adoption will make your family bi racial." that was the stupidest question and there were many other stupid questions. The questions just fell short of asking how often my husband and I have sex. I would have replied none of your damn business and get out of my house.
This one was hard to read, for several reasons: its disappointing expression of entitlement for one, and on a personal level, the fact that I thought some of the same things back when my husband and I first encountered adoption.
I pick up the entitlement from the sureness of the statements and the comparison they draw between adoptive parents and those who give birth to their children. Adoptive parents need to lose that sense of unfairness, and fast. Our path to parenthood has legal repercussions that make a homestudy necessary, our children have different needs and we have different parenting responsibilities.
Of course, it's easy for me to say this now. I once thought the homestudy was really hard, too. I can remember thinking how unfair it was for someone who would surely be a good parent to have to go through that kind of intrusion, particularly when the news was full of stories about neglectful, abusive and even murderous parents. Like many others, I came to adoption through infertility, and also remember the feeling that no one should have to go through everything we were going through to do the most natural thing in the world. When I opened my mind to adoption, I expected the process to go my way, and became angry when it didn't.
So I get the feeling of entitlement this comment expresses, I do. I also know that three years is more than enough time for any adoptive parent to realize that the homestudy, invasive though it may have felt, was no more than a temporary, but necessary, inconvenience. Dead easy, really, when you compare it with the complexities and losses in adoption that adopted persons and their parents live with.